"Everything that's not you, wants to kill you." A Million Ways To Die in the West Written by Seth MacFarlane You are not "too good" for this book. You may be questioning why on earth I would make an accusation such as this, and here's why. We have all met them. The people who interrupt you when you are raving about your favorite Walking Dead episode. They give you smug smile with a glint in their eye and with their voice soaking with condescension, "I don't own a TV." Or you've met people at dinner who hear you order a steak and with that same look declare proudly, "Oh, no steak for me" then look pointedly at you while puffing their chest out declaring, "I'm a vegan".(I have nothing against vegans, just pompous ones) I may be exaggerating this trait I've run across, but these prideful boasters only succeed in killing other people's buzz. Everyone has opinions on what is "best", but no one should create a pedestal for themselves out of translucent false ego. Yikes, let me reach my point before I go any further with this rant. I, myself used to be on a high horse, frowning down on dirty and offensive humor. I thought I was better than the crude jokes, but one day I climbed down, took off my blinders, and saw the true form of hilarity that shows like Family Guy exhibit. With this realization I became acutely aware of a front runner in this line of comedy, Seth McFarlen. He creates humor that has an aura of uniqueness, while crude at times, has a true talent for making people laugh. So I call upon the static people to come down off of their self-made pedestals and laugh with us groundlings. I may consider myself "classy", but even I got a kick out of Seth Macfarlane's, A Million Ways to Die in the West. In this book we follow the unfortunate protagonist, Albert, watching as he tries to survive in his hometown, Old Stump, a wild west town in Arizona. And how does he go about surviving in the unruly western world? Does he rely on his job skills like his friend Ruth? Does he rely on his gun-slinging abilities like the newcomer, Anna? Does he rely on his mustache business like his new nemesis, Foy? Nope. Albert specializes in cowardice. By his logic being a coward in a world that wants to kill you is the most sensible thing to do. To his credit, Albert is great at being a coward. He can fake his way through a bar room fight with his best friend Edward to avoid the bottle smashing massacres in the center of the saloon. He sticks close to his sheep farm and steers clear of the doctor whose treatment for even something as minor as a splinter may involve a wide variety of radical procedures; blue jays pecking out the blood, surgery, and amputation. It's best just to pass. Which is the same attitude Albert takes when confronted with an angry cattle farming challenging him to a shoot out at high noon. Albert diffused the situation, thankful for his begging skills because his shooting skills would've have let him down. He felt fortunate to survive another day, but, sadly, his gold digging girlfriend Louis reacted negatively to his cowardice and broke up with him. This left Albert with a wounded heart that he feared he might not survive which is probably a more merciful death than the deaths the reader will get front row seats to. The most memorable deaths of this books "red shirt" characters are as follows; death by giant ice cube, camera, angry drunks, wild animals and of course the doctor and guns. Please don't get mad fellow readers when I tell you that this book is based of of the screen play for its movie counterpart; not the other way around. Yes, it works both ways now. This movie directed and started by Seth McFarlen, who plays Albert. Mcfarlen decided to write this book for multiple reasons I'm sure, but in his interview on the Daily Show with John Stewart he said his book enables people to find out, "what the characters are really thinking." And we do indeed are privy to their thoughts with the all-knowing third person narration style that closely emulates a movie. I may not see this in theaters due to some banality that is probably easier to read than to see (think; Bridesmaids). However I will definitely watch it on DVD, mostly for the pause/mute/fast forward power. But don't worry Seth Mcfarlen isn't out to gross you out in this story, only to make you laugh, and he takes this job very seriously as it is he himself that portrays Albert, the coward, in the movie. Seth Mcfarlen isn't one to showboat so he brought in many other talented actors (such as Neil Patrick Harris) to fill out the cast of colorful characters. There is the villain Clinch, the most notorious criminal in the territory and his wife Anna, who befriends Albert and provides the backbone while her husband is out doing criminal stuff. The is also the minor storyline of Albert's good friends, the sweetest, most unlikely, Christian couple Edward, the cobbler(and Virginia), and Ruth, the professional prostitute, and their pledge to "wait for marriage". Yes, it's ironic, but who cares, they are in love. There is also Foy, Louise's new catch after she shuts down her relationship with the devoted Albert. Foy runs the mustachary, "He was a classically handsome dandy, with well-oiled hair and a big cocky a--hole mustache stretching out so widely on either side that was almost like his face had two hairy arms extended in a ta-da gesture. Ta-da! A colossal prick!"(my favorite line) I expect this movie to be a hit when it comes out late May, but in the meantime the book is incredible entertaining and had me running to my friends to share the jokes with them. This humor is not beneath you in fact it is a rising genre that should be accepted and applauded by all. In fact this book is so sophisticated in its banality that it may be above you.